Everything, in theory, should still be going swimmingly. I've found a best friend that is the best I've known in a while- someone who does not judge me and uplifts me when I'm so close to giving into the doubt. I've got a partner in crime at all times and it's such a lovely feeling to have someone care about you as much as you care about them, to have a mutual and ever-growing trust, to have unconditional love. My best friend is the best of the universe and I'm so grateful for Caroline. On top of that, I've begun to shed my three-year skin that has been itching so badly, and I've cut off ties with those who were choking me. Someone has come into my life, like a rocket, and I don't know if I really want him to leave. My job is paying me to be bubbly and have candy-colored hair. I should be so enthused about everything in my life, but I'm not; I'm sitting in a cold room and dreading everything that's running in my direction. Unlike a week ago, I'm not ready for anything at all, and the only thing I really want is to rent an apartment in another town and play music all day. I feel distracted and restless and like all I want is an escape.
Some things just build up, things that were always meant to build up, that were wanted, but they build up at the wrong time and in the wrong order. They build up too fast and too perfectly but not perfectly enough. I want to be a kid still, and I don't have the option. I feel like I've lost so much of myself.
Xo
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